New study confirms researcher's biases

New Robust Ways To Confirm Biases
Journal of Applied Redefinition of Reality

Simon Mustelids 1
Mikhailovich Mannovjev 2
Stephanos Lewandopolis 3

1 King's College London, Institute of Confirmation Bias, Department of Confirmation Bias Medicine
2 Pennsylvania State University, Departments of Confirmation Bias and Failed Anger Management
3 University of Western Australia, School of Confirmation Bias, Conspiracy Theories Laboratories

Abstract:
In this study we set out to confirm our biases. For this, we selected some test subjects (n = some low double digit number) that could confirm our biases, and selected some control subjects (n = some low double digit number) intended to strengthen our confirmation biases. To ensure proper confirmation of our bias we designed a questionnaire allowing us to confirm our biases. Both questions and answers were designed from our point of bias, in accordance to the standard in our field, so that we hear what we want to hear. We furthermore fooled ourself into confirming our biases by using our poor understanding of statistics and choose a multivariant statistical analysis method ("meat grinder") that yielded the expected results we desired in the form of spurious correlations.

Discussion of results:
Our study confirmed our biases (p < some low number), something we already knew before we began our study. From the standpoint of our biases, other explanations for the results seem unlikely. This result is strengthened by other groups having the same biases confirmed. With the question of our biases settled, there are some minor questions (e.g. the so called "reality paradox") that remain in our field. We are confident that these latest results in confirming our biases offer a way forward to solving these remaining questions in accordance to our biases.

Disclosure of Responsible Behavior:
The financial interests of the involved researchers were not endangered by either the conduct of research, or the publication of the results. The involved research subjects were properly blinded to the conflicting interests of the researchers, and were prevented from realizing what would be in their own interests.